I’m driving in town, and I think to myself, I’ve just got too much money lately. I’m drowning in it. If only there was a quick and surefire way to rid myself of this materialistic burden.

So I scraped my car against an expensive-looking SUV. That should do the trick.

It was a truly stupid move. I wasn’t paying attention and turned too tight into a small parking stall, dragging my door a bit against their back bumper. The damage doesn’t look bad, just a bit of a paint scratch, but these things always end up being more expensive than originally imagined. They’ll probably have to repaint the entire car, with my luck.

The worst bit was that I was listening to my stereo quite loudly and didn’t even notice I did it. It wasn’t blasting, but it was loud enough to muffle the noise of the scrape. I reversed out carefully and readjusted my position after seeing how close I was to the vehicle, but it didn’t occur to me that I had hit it, even when the guy sitting in his parked truck a few stalls down gave me a dirty look as I walked into the store. He must have thought I was a complete tool, walking away like nothing happened.

After I dropped some pants off to get tailored, I drove down the street to grab a coffee. It was only then, when I walked around my car and noticed the mark on the door, that I realized what had happened. How’s that for a Paris Hilton moment? I’m like one of those senior citizens that run over a pedestrian and drag them 20 kilometers before noticing anything.

I drove back, and the SUV was still there, so I left them a note. I’ve been in touch with them since and will find out tomorrow how much I owe.

Sadly, this is the second parked car I’ve hit in my driving career. I swear they come out of nowhere. To be fair, though, the last collision involved a locust storm and the devil taking control of my steering.